A Secret Women Know That Men Dont
A Secret Women Know But Men Don't
By David DeAngelo
I'd like to tell you a story...
It's a story that you might find strangelyfamiliar. Don't be alarmed.
Once upon a time, there was a man who was veryattracted to a particular woman.
At first, she was just another attractivewoman... but the more he got to know her, themore he began to feel attracted to her... andthe more time he spent with her, the more thatattraction grew into a deep emotionalattachment and affection for her.
But there was one problem.
As his emotional attachment grew stronger andstronger, he also grew more and more insecure.
Why?
Because he couldn't tell whether or not shefelt the same way towards him.
Sometimes she would say things like "You areso important to me" and "I'm glad that you're inmy life"... but nothing ever progressed past the"friendship" stage.
There was an occasional hug, an occasionalkiss on the cheek from her... and once she evenheld his hand for a long time while he talkedabout an emotional issue.
But something was wrong with the picture.
She just wasn't acting like a woman that was"falling in love". She was acting like a friend.
The insecurity that he felt became a spiralthat amplified itself... and the more insecure hebecame, the more afraid he grew of "screwingthings up" by kissing her or asking her to behis girlfriend.
Plus, the more insecure he became, the lesstime she seemed to want to spend with him.
After spending many days and nights obsessingover this girl, the man finally arrived at theconclusion that if she only knew how HE FELT,that she would feel the same way.
So he made a bold move.
He TOLD HER how he was felt.
He confessed that he was in love, and that hewould do anything to be with her.
She looked at him with compassion in her eyesand said "Thank you... I really mean that... butI don't want to mess up our friendship... you'retoo important to me...".
This only confused the man more.
He didn't know how to take it...
Did it mean that she really loved him too, butthat she was afraid of something?
Did it mean that she wasn't ready for a long-term relationship?
Did it mean that she didn't love him, but thatshe was trying to give him a hint?
Did it mean that he hadn't tried hard enough?
Did it mean that he needed to put everything onthe line and REALLY let her know how he felt?
He finally decided that he couldn't go on likethis anymore... he had to be with her.
He had to make sure that she knew just how muchhe wanted to be with her... so he took a big step,bought her a symbolic gift, and wrote her a long,long letter... again confessing his feelings.
And then the unthinkable happened.
She didn't reply.
He called her three times a day for almost aweek before reaching her.
She made an excuse about being very busy, andsaid "I'll try to give you a call soon, I haveto go"... and hung up...
...but he never got a call back.
Over the following months, the man trieddesperately to understand what went wrong... andwhat happened.
THE END
OK, I'm back.
Now, wasn't that a sweet story?
Heart warming, huh?
I know, I should keep my day job, and not takeup writing romance novels...
Now, let's talk about that story.
That story is basically a MYTH.
And I'm not talking about FICTION here.
I'm talking about a story that rings true fora great majority of men. A story that is timeless.A story that resonates at a deep level because youcan IDENTIFY with it.
And why does this particular story resonate formost men?
Because we've all been there in one way oranother... at one time or another... and many ofus have been there OFTEN in our lives.
Another thing that gives this particular storya lot of power is the powerful negative emotionsthat it stirs... as a result of the powerfulnegative experiences that it reminds us of...
Stories and situations like this one reallyFASCINATE me.
They fascinate me because I see them as anopportunity to UNDERSTAND and SOLVE the puzzlesthat they represent.
In this particular situation I think there isa solution.
And it lies in understanding a secret thatwomen know but MEN DON'T.
And that secret comes down to the reality thatif a woman isn't ATTRACTED to a man, all of hisattempts to confess his love, convince her tolike him, and court her BACKFIRE.
In other words, they not only DON'T WORK,they actually make things WORSE.
In other words, the very things that a man doesto try to make a woman LIKE HIM make her NOTlike him. They make her run.
All those great intentions and emotionaldedication actual cause the man feeling them todo things that make her go away.
It sucks.
And I hope that by explaining the process ofhow this happens to you I'll help you avoid thispainful situation in your own future...
THE "INSTANT EWWW"
I'm always fascinated by the idea that wehumans don't always understand the message thatwe're communicating to others...
So often we think that because we WANT tocommunicate a message that others are going toNATURALLY understand what we're trying to say.
Have you ever seen a guy in a foreign carthat has wheels on it that cost more than thecar itself... with his stereo blasting... anda muffler that somehow AMPLIFIES the raw soundof the 4-cylinder motor...?
Have you ever thought to yourself "I don'tthink that car is communicating the message towomen that he thinks it is"...?
Yea, I have too.
Well here's the deal:
If you do something to "let a woman know howyou feel"... but she isn't ATTRACTED to you, thenit's going to backfire.
It's going to trigger a feeling that like tocall the "Instant Ewww".
The Instant Ewww is just as powerful as thephysical and emotional response of ATTRACTION.
Once a woman feels it, YOU'RE DONE.
It's over.
It's like hammering a RAILROAD SPIKE intothe coffin.
Once a woman feels the Instant Ewww, she willstart behaving differently.
In short, she'll disappear.
So where did I get the concept of the "InstantEwww"?
I got it from WOMEN.
I have actually heard SEVERAL women use theword "Ewww" when describing how they felt abouta guy that was "confessing his love"... of course,these were guys that weren't loved in return.
So what causes the Instant Ewww?
And why would a woman feel it towards a man whowas trying to be nice... a guy who was giving hera gift or telling her how he feels?
Because if you think about it from HERperspective, you'll realize that the moment ayou do something to "confess", you have created aTURNING POINT in the relationship.
Up until that point, you were harmless.
I mean, women always know how men feel.
She already knew you wanted her.
She knew it from the beginning.
But now that you've started pursuing her andtalking about how you feel, you've created aNEGATIVE TENSION that is VERY uncomfortable.
You've triggered an emotion that is repulsiveto women. And it does repel them.
In summary...
You can't "make a woman like you" or "changehow she feels about you" by doing nice things forher...
Doing "nice" things for a woman who isn'tattracted to you HURTS you. It backfires. Worse,it creates the "Instant Ewww" feeling that makesit so she'll NEVER like you.
Men make this mistake over and over again inlife because they're doing what MAKES SENSE tothem. They're doing it because they don't havean understanding of ATTRACTION.
I mean, If you have a friend, and you likethem, and you want to make them like you more...and you do some nice thing for them, they willprobably like you more.
On the other hand...
If you have a woman that you "like" in a romanticway, and she doesn't "feel it" for you, and youdo something nice for her because you want HER tolike you more, it will BACKFIRE... and she willnot only NOT like you more, she will most likelydistance herself from you.
Guys think that they need to communicate whenthey like a woman... as if that's part of thenecessary process of getting a girl.
In their minds, it goes like this:
Like her>Tell her you like her>She likes you
Well remember... if you follow this patternyourself with women who aren't ATTRACTED to you,then it's going to BACKFIRE.
If she's not into you, then it goes like THIS:
She thinks of you as a friend>You tell her youlike her>She gets the "Instant Ewwws" and neverwants to be around you again...
THE ANSWER
There are really TWO answers to this problem.
The first answer is what to do if you're in asituation where you like a particular girl, butyou don't know if she likes you back.
DON'T GET HEAVY WITH HER.
Don't buy her a big gift and write a loveletter...
Don't send her ten dozen roses to her workwith a not that says "From your secret admirer".
Don't call her three times a day.
And DON'T CONFESS YOUR LOVE for her.
If you want to know how she feels about you,KISS HER (and use "The Kiss Test" that youlearned on my website and in my book).
As a rule of thumb, don't get heavier thanHER. Use SIGNALS from her to find out how shefeels... and if you don't know how to read andcreate those signals, then LEARN.
Asking a woman if she's interested in yourin a romantic way, or if you are "her type" willactually DESTROY the chances that she'll likeyou.
Really.
The SECOND answer is to not get into thisparticular situation in the FIRST PLACE. Avoidit entirely.
And how does one do that?
One does that by creating ATTRACTION fromthe beginning.
One does that by understanding the dynamicsof how and why women have the physical andemotional response of ATTRACTION triggered.
One does that by knowing what you're doingFROM THE BEGINNING.
And what's the best way to learn THATskill?
I thought you'd never ask...
The very best way to learn how to make womenfeel ATTRACTION for you is to get yourself acopy of my eBook, Double Your Dating.
I've spent several years now studying theways that men who are "naturals" communicateusing their words, voice tone, and body languagethat makes them MAGNETIC to women.
And I'll tell you... it's not magic.
You don't have to be rich, handsome, or young.
And you don't have to be LUCKY.
What you DO have to do is LEARN.
It's a skill, and I honestly believe that ANYman can learn it if he wants.
But you're not likely to figure it out by"trial and error". Many of the keys to makingwomen feel ATTRACTION aren't "obvious" at all.
In fact, many of them make no sense... andthey're the LAST thing you'd do in a particularsituation if you didn't know the SECRETS.
I'm telling you, this book will show youthe way. I guarantee that this program willINSTANTLY change how you behave around women.
And it will start getting you resultsIMMEDIATELY.
In addition, I'd also like to invite you to sign up for my free dating tips newsletter.
It's free, there's no obligation, I'll never share your email address with anyone, and you can easily remove yourself anytime with no hassles (and no, I'll never pull any of these tricks where I send you a bunch of unwanted junk email when you try to remove yourself).
It's JAM PACKED with dozens and dozens of specific strategies for overcoming fear, approaching women, getting phone numbers and email address from women quickly, great inexpensive or even free date ideas, and advice on how to take things to a "physical" level smoothly and easily.
If you'd like to take your success with women and dating to the next level, and have the kind of success that you've always wanted, then go sign up for my free newsletter, get all the details, and check out some great free samples of the eBook located here:
• Free Dating Tips Newsletter And Download eBook •
And I'll talk to you again soon.
Your Friend,
David DeAngelo
_____________________________________________________________Copyright 2004 David DeAngelo Communications Inc., All Rights Reserved. David DeAngelo and Double Your Dating are trademarks of David DeAngelo Communications Inc.
28.07.2007. 19:48
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