A lot of articles discuss all the good things about dating. In order to grow
and learn, I think it's important to learn about the regrets people have as
well. There were some surprises and there were many types of regrets. It is
interesting to ask yourself about the regrets because it often highlights
dating issues we often forget to mention. It is useful in pointing out that we
are not alone in the mistakes that we make while dating.
Here are some lessons learned:
Dating a married person.
Seems like just about every version of this scenario is about the same. Dating
a married person is a complete train wreck. Lies, deceit, regret, cheating and
false promises, and this almost never have a good outcome. This is a great
example of how people waste their time waiting for someone who will never leave
and be yours. You are sharing your love with someone else with stolen moments
and brief weekends where you were not the only person on their mind. Avoid married
people like the plague unless you want to lose all the dignity you ever had.
High school Sweethearts
It appears there are a lot of people who have spent years wishing they had
married the person of their dreams when they had the chance. Your High school
or College sweetheart came at a time you were too young and too busy sowing
your oats. You come to realize, years later, that you use them to compare
everybody else. Only to find the level of emotion never quite match. This leads
you to believe you are settling and making do. If you are thinking about that
long lost love, and can't let it go, you are really doing a disservice to your
current partner.
Getting Cold Feet
Not asking someone out when the opportunity arises. This appears to be a big
one because you are dealing with that nagging 'what if.' This tends to come out
as a regret at a time when other things are not going well and you find
yourself fantasizing and thus cursing yourself for not taking the chance. What
if you had asked him out? What if you had said yes to that cute guy? You wonder
if they could have been that soul mate. You might be married and had children.
Taking no action seems to have a long term effect. Just look at the popularity
of reunions.
Staying the course
Not ending a bad relationship earlier. There are many of us who have started a
relationship only to discover that it wasn't all that it was cracked up to be.
The door is always in the same place, yet we chose for many a reason not to
walk out of it. Maybe it seems the right thing to do, you don't want to admit
you were wrong, or maybe you were just scared. No matter the reason it was a
disservice to both parties. The fact is, too many of us have stayed in long
term relationships that were not good for ourselves and our partners.
Mr. or Ms. Right?
Hardly. Dating the wrong person for the wrong reasons. Sex, appearance,
business reason, even sympathy are all wrong reasons. There are plenty of
people out there who have dated people for the wrong reasons and lived to
regret it. This has to be balanced against hindsight. Hindsight is indeed
20/20. You can decide later it wasn't the right thing and that is fine. But if
you aware of it at the time, then there's no excuse.
I gotta work
Typical. You work so much to get the pinnacle in your industry, staving off
everything else. Currently, a third of all adults are now single and that
number is growing. The most commonly sited reason is that we put our career
first, especially through our 20's and then begin seriously dating in our 30's
when we feel ready. The problem with that is we are not as young as we were,
not as attractive as we were and in some cases, that 'clock' is ticking and a
good portion of the great people are committed elsewhere. A great many of us
appear to be wishing we had sorted out our love lives earlier.
The Heartbreaker
Leaving someone you were in truly in love with. There have been many instances
where people in love have ended a relationship and seem to struggle to find an
explanation as to why. Usually the decision was regretted very quickly and then
find out that the rejected partner has moved on with their life...a life you
will never be a part of. A good portion of the time, cheating is the primary
cause, that's to say, getting caught. If you love someone stay with them
faithfully.
The Big Jerk
Not being the nice person you could have been. Treating someone badly in a
relationship always comes back to haunt you if you are the guilty party, no
matter how it made you feel at the time. As we grow older and reflects on our
lives we think about those we could have been nicer too and it's always surprising
how many of us admit we could have been nicer to our partners. I am not talking
about physical violence here, though we all admit it exists within our society.
I simply mean being courteous, kind, remembering birthdays and anniversaries,
buying flowers, compromising, going on holidays and being romantic and
spontaneous. Live and learn.
The Bad Breakup
Breaking up is hard enough in most cases. But breaking up in a cold and callous
way is even worse. Almost every one has done it or had it done to them, and
it's a regrettable situation. It's easy to love and move on when you are
younger. You may not quite have that perspective on life, but as you grow older
and have it done by someone you loved, it will break your heart. You will drive
yourself crazy thinking about what went wrong if the relationship ends badly.
No explanation, no reasons given. One day it's fine, the next day it's over.
Breaking up via email, texting or phone is cowardly and it appears that many of
us are guilty of doing just that.
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