From break-ins to break-ups, there's nothing like a crisis to test
your mettle. Are you a wimp or a COSMO woman, confident of your inner strength
and ways to wield it?
Not everyone is, in spite of what we may sometimes imagine. Even a
celebrated cover model and actress with her patent personal attributes and
professional polish, once struggled. ‘When I was 15, I tore the cartilage in my
knee so badly I was told I'd never walk again,' she says. 'I adored dancing and
sports, and was captain of the school Netball team, so I was devastated. I quit
school, withdrew into myself and ate.'
Her self-esteem plummeted and it was four years before she summoned her inner
strength. 'A model agent told me I had potential. I realized something needed
to change in my life - and it was up to me to find the inner strength to do
it'.
Inner strength, is a blend of willpower, self-discipline, self-control,
persistence, detachment, the ability to concentrate and peace of mind. It can
build you up however low you go, and help you bash through the biggest
obstacles.
If you don't believe you have it, think again. It's a trait that all humans
possess but that only some people actively use. You just need to dig deep
enough - and learn to tackle adversity smartly.
Try it, with the following five steps.
Embrace It
The first step to overcoming any adversity is to acknowledge that it's there
- that something is wrong in your life and needs changing. Once you admit that
you have a problem, and that it isn’t okay to drift along feeling low, you on
your way. The biggest danger is denying a problem.
The greatest challenge is to face yourself and reality. You have to change
the thoughts you think and the words you speak, because your internal dialogue
has an enormous impact on your life. Know it, begin to trust it and you will
find yourself experiencing transformation in your life.
Get Educated
Knowledge is power: find out all you can about whatever it is you're facing.
Also turn to books. If your problem is financial, read financial publications
and pages in newspapers, and ask for advice from financially savvy friends or
professional advisers and money coaches. If it's medical, speak to specialists,
being sure to get more than one opinion. The Internet is a great place to start
but stick to reputable sites such as those of medical universities or journals,
and listen to relevant CDs and watch DVDs.
Don't just skim headlines, which can sensationalize and scare. Focus on
informed political commentators of different persuasions, then come to your own
conclusions. It's important to try to stay objective, otherwise you can become
more negative. Knowing what you're facing is half a marathon won. You are on
your way to the finish line.
Make a Choice
You can choose to be a victim or to tap the strength within yourself, and
you can choose whether things upset or influence you. No matter what
circumstances you may find yourself in, or even if they're out of your control,
you always have control over your attitude, your belief and what you do. It's
your choice.
Read stories of inspiring individuals who made choices that helped them
overcome incredible challenges. Not to choose is to subscribe to a victim mentality.
You may well be facing hard times or hard decisions but moping about it does
nothing to help, and demoralizes and de-motivates you.
Choose to get through the day without complaining to colleagues and friends.
Force yourself every morning to see a positive thought for the day. Venting
occasionally can be cathartic, but constantly carping with your pals in pity
parties can keep you from exploring constructive solutions - much like picking
a scab instead of treating the wound. Complaining is the act of reinforcing
what you don't want and intending even more of it.
When you complain, you trap yourself in a reality that constantly gives you
more to complain about. Complainers are merely witnessing the fulfillment of
their own requests, and this is addictive. The more you do it, even within your
own mind, the more it becomes an ingrained habit and the harder it is to stop.
Ask for Help
Instead of absorbing the negative energies of others, ask for real help from
people who can properly provide it. Establish exactly who you need to speak to:
if the problem is work related, is it your boss or the HR manager, or a
troublesome colleague who can be tackled directly but discreetly over coffee?
If your crisis is a personal one, could a psychologist help you deal with the
underlying causes and find a fresh approach, or would you benefit best from the
ra-ra encouragement and practical guidance of a life coach?
If you're in financial straits, should you speak to your bank manager? You
may be surprised at how willing your bank will be to help, even though you may
be given a bit of a lecture on the importance of responsibility, discipline and
doing the right thing. If you're in debt, you will need to steel yourself to
contact those you owe and explain your predicament. It's hard, but again most
people are reasonable if you approach them early, tell them your repayment plan
and keep them informed. Look on it as a character-forming growth experience.
Whomever you elect to speak to, prepare thoroughly for the meeting. Take all
the necessary information and documentation, a list of questions and concerns,
and also a list of potential solutions. This shows a positive spirit and
willingness to change, which is exactly what you need. You can't solve
everything alone, but you can get very far with the help of others.
Act
Now actually do something to change your circumstances - make your decision
and act on it with commitment. You need to understand the difference between
interest and commitment. When you are interested in doing something, you do it
only when it is convenient. When you are committed to something, you accept no
excuses.
Start as small as you like, but start. If your relationship is broken, go
for that first counseling session. If you're in debt, draw up a budget and cut
up your credit cards as a prelude to cutting back in your lifestyle,
consolidating and cranking up your earnings with overtime or an extra job. Once
you start to do something, it immediately becomes easier to keep moving -
you're carried by positive momentum, growing your inner strength as you use it.
One overweight woman began gradually, shooting hoops with her friends,
walking with her sisters and eating three balanced meals a day with two small,
healthy snacks. She slowly lost the weight that had crept on, and gained
confidence. When she finally landed a swimwear assignment she was motivated to
progress to kick boxing, working around with a personal instructor. That's when
the modeling jobs really rolled in. And feeling good about herself made her determined
to keep pushing, to be the best she can be. She found her inner strength - and
whatever happens now, she'll be able to use it.
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